My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
