i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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