the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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