so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
