Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
