i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
