people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
