I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just tell him i said nine months
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
