I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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