i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
