oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
