After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
