Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
