My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
