Umm I'm too high to move.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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