the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
