You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They have beer where we have blood.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
