A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
