I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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