FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We got so high we made milksteak
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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