Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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