I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
