I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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