"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
