DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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