Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
