As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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