I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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