in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
