I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
