that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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