I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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