You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
