My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
