Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
