dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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