Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
