Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
