dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
