There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
