does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
