Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
