i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
