just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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