I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
