Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize