Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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