I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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