I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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