Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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